Saturday, February 26, 2011

the story of how i met a bangalan(yet another indian railway diaries)

in my really long engineering time i had to travel too much to reach my home in sem holidays so dis happened on one of dose journeys.i was traveling back from my place to my collage an dis happened while i took the conectin train from calcutta to bangalore.i had been waiting since 1 o clock in afternoon for the train an was really pissed wid all d bengali talk all around me on this the thing about kolkata station is its REALLY crowded..u haft see an check even before u plan to move ur limbs.u mite hurt somebody an ppl r always trying to cut deer way in d middleof wherevee u r dere r too many ppl all d tym round d clock.and somehow its all pleasant to my train arrived an i called up home an informed i was boarding the train an told deem i m still breathing an whoever dye suspect is out to get me wid his sniper hasn't found me yet(for intellectually challenged folks..ITS A JOKE)

so i checked my ticket an entered the coach…an to my surprise deer r atleast 10 ppl sittin in my compartment…(who r dese ppl??)…n den it dawned on me..half of deem hav come to see off a guy(i assumed he was goin on some warfront or something but his dressing suggested otherwise)…an den while i was busy makin mental notes…i heard a voice…turned back to find a really GRUMPY(oh yes…she lucked scary) female asking "which is ur birth??"

i thot of answering "do i look like a thief to u??…n y do i tell u…….LADY SHERLOCK" :P …….but instead jus nodded an pointed to the upper birth.

an den i saw it…she was deer to see off her small sister(why do ppl hav dis see off concept i ll neva understand)

so finally dye gave that female all d stuff to eat and told her all d rules and regulations(dey wr starin at me so i assumed i figured on her DONT-U-DARE-TALK-TO-HIM list)…..

till den i was so furious wid that elder sister i thot i wood ask d smaller 1 about what part of my face makes me look like thief?

so d train muved and the army guy(d 1 who d whole clan came to see off) slept and started snoring like a pig…GRRRRRRRR

somehow i spent d nite cursing the whole proceedings(why does indian railways do dis to me..).everytym when i book a ac ticket deer ll b some baby who ll refuse to sleep after 2 in nite an his/her mother will hav no clue what d baby wants….ro worse dere will b some older UNCLE ji kinds who ll b adamant to tell me dere stories and how deer son/daughter or god knows who works and earns blah blah…i m sick of dese kinds…

nevertheless it was morning wen i woke up an that army fellow had started talkin to dis female about some female he met an how she cant stop gushing about him all d tym(yaa….rite….bloody LOOSER)…so i picked up some paper to solve SUDOKU..

so i turned to her to ask "do u hav pen?"(thats all i cud come up wid)

my sudoku finished and den wen i returned the pen she said "u like solving sudoku?"(younger sister is no less genius mind u)

an den we got talkin…she told me about her college and i told her about mine….dat army guy was dere too but its MY i ll IGNORE him….

an den wen i got d chance i ask "why did ur sis think i was a thief?"

"she was jus makin sure u came to d rite coach…"(wat a nice way to make sure i must say)

i thot she was being protective so kinda let it pass an in revenge i ate all her delicious stuff her family gave to eat in d journey(BUHAHAHHAHAHAA)

an so d day passed an she gave me her number..i saved it……an den wen her station came..i got down to see her off (indian tradition *wink*)

an wen my station came…while i was getting down….my fone was ringing and in d hurry i DROPPED my fone on platform……damit………… :(

customer care took 500 bucks to repair it all CONTACTS WERE ERASED…. :(


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

my journey to an from my home(indian railways diaries)

recently i went to my home courtesy my dad's continuous persuation that i havent been home in a long tym(read since i started earnin :P).so i booked tickets to an from my home...both WAITING,thanks to the huge indian population no 1 gets a berth in any of the trains whatsoever dese indian railways hav dis waiting concept wherein u pay for the ticket and den u r on ur own...
its lyk wen u enter a restaurant dey ask u menu and den ask u for d payment an VOILA!...THANK U SIR...u may go home now...
GOD DAMNIT where s d food??

i landed myself near d washbasin put my stuff on a paper and started d wen u r near the toilet u get to see how ppl think of trains as dere personal dumpyard and dey make sure dat dey use the lavatory well enuf so dey get the full value of the money...
so dere wr ladies doin all sorts of cleanin for dere kids...older folks makin all sorts of noises as if dey r gonna die an den splurge of water(good heavens wt is wrong dese ppl) d worst part is it does not stop at dis...dey keep comin every 1 an half hour or so(oh yes!i timed it...didnt hav too much to do either)....
n den dere wr those AE CHAI...CHAI...CHAI...ppl,hell bent on feedin every soul present in every cabin...dere wr 4 of dem at any given tym in a i m a admant fan of tea but d sight of "tea" dey wr makin made me sick(seriously why do u even call that tea?..dont even get me started on the taste).....i was sick of dis whole thing an suddenly i heard a voice in d adjoining compartment askin
P1- "bhai akele ja rahe ho kya???..."
me- "???????"
P1="if u r goin alone come sit wid me...we can ll b easier to pass tym"(considerin dis train was goin patna...i was surprised to hear him talk in english *WINK*)
so he introduced himself an we got talkin..he was a army kid an was workin in thanks to him my journey which i thot wud suck for the most part was a comparatively easy 1..
back home i ate LYK A packed a lot(n i mean LOT) of stuff to eat wen i reahc at my place in DILLI(employment has its perks)...
i was again standin on the platform again d same nite boardin the same train guess what ...with a WAITING ticket...dis tym thanks to some REALLY REALLY cold air i was shivering whole nite and didnt sleep..
again that stupid guess what again an army man..(u hafta talk to a army man to see how funny dey r)...
d nite was over an i was in a frend of mine arranged for a biryani treat which made me forget a lot stress...

came home aroung 9 in d night an FINaLLY slept after 2 nites lyk a baby in my own bed


Saturday, February 12, 2011

my experiment wid TEA in god's OWN country

for my first of many jobs i plan to take up...i was sent to kochi,kerala as a wen i looked it up on internet aal i cud find was it was famous for spices an ppl r realy nice(believe me wen i say dis....dey r) dere is a lot(an i mean lot) of usage of coconut i flied to kochi from my place(courtesy my dad's money) an the first thing that i look for wen i go to any place is TEA(who doesnt apart from d ppl who smoke...its jus that tea makes at no 2 on dere TO DO list )

an so i was greeted by a small shop owner on the airport who sereved tea.
surprisingly his shop was a lil sus starndard considerin it was the airport and kerala boasts of a lot of footfall from out of the country....never the less...i ordered a MASALA TEA ;) an in no time it was ready...i was shocked to say d least(i dont even see a stove anywhere)...oh yes..kerala has its own style of tea makin.
so my first cup of tea in kerala cost me 10 rs on airport(IN UR FACE CAFE COFEE DAY)
now the thin about kochi is that it has d most rainfall in country after cherapunji(for intellectually challenged ppl..its d raniest place in india).....more on my kerala adventure later..

so kerala kas a lil unique ishtyle of makin tea...according to dem...tea is either brown(wen it has milk) or black(wen it doesnt) sugar is STRICTLY optional..(quater a kg per glass of tea)
so u see wen u order a tea..(cheta,RUND tea)...he ll assume u belong to some desert ridden place an u havent seen water in a lil while an serve u boiled tea leaves without the tea leaves...
an it tastes pathetic...i had tried at almost all d joint i cud rescue...i was so frustrated wid tea that i switched to coffee so i dont hav to smell that crap(i SIMPLY hate those MIX n READY coffee)...i wud come down to blore jus to hav tea in that lil shop near my hostel(oh yes watever ur name is....for 3 years...u SAVED my life...thanks a ton)...
for almost 5 months i somehow gulped down d SO CALLED tea...
sometimes havin d free stuff served between trainin sessions helped...but to those who r goin to kerala for d 1st tym....AVOID TEA..

an to all those ppl who long for a decent cup of tea wenever dey get up(rulin put the d mornin concept here.....HIGH 5)......d search for cup of tea continues....way to go :)


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

whoever said marriages r made in heaven must be HALLUCINATING

the DUDE is born...he learns to talk,walk....speak an den 1 fine day he s admitted to skool.coa if dont study u wont get a a job an u cant marry(i hate dis part but will come to that later).
dude finds new ppl in class,starts mingling wid dem shares his joys,dreams,makes stupid mistakes,learns an makes em again (hehehehhehe..some ppl neva learn) finally goes to colg with the promise of makin gud in life.
to give back to society one day wen he ll b able enuf...gets his degree(apparently.....awkward high 5) and lands himself a job(oh yes...he got a job..yappa dappa do..)
ow the dude is busy wid tryin to make the both ends meet an suddenly some guy in his place says "the guy is SETTLED...when r u goin to get him married??"(now wait a minute....does that even make sense?)
this is d part i absoFUCKINlutely hate about indian tradition....d moment a guy starts earnin d folks in dere respective families(esp the self appointed society,customs shit spitters) start talkin about marriages and gurl's fathers r contacted an DEALS r negotiated..
"we r sellin our son for 10 lakh...wat say??"
"10 lakh is too much...i can only give 7.."
"ok den add a car to it"
rest we ll take in installments".....

it may sound awkward but dis is d all for WHAT????....MARRIAGE...which is d worst thing u cud do wid ur life...
if d dude knows a gurl from his class or skool or colg or watever place...its ABSOLUTELY NO NO.....(ask d reason only if u dare to branded "d person who cant respect his elders")
no 1 even asks the gurl if she s ready to spend her WHOLE life wid d guy(sounds so scary)
an guys.....while dere parents r busy negotiating deals wid dere counterparts...get to choose(oh yes...dey r shown females pics taken in various dresses(considerin we hav only 898 females for every 1000 men..wonder how long wud dis custom survive..STUPID CUSTOMS)
sample some doubts
"why dont u hav ur gurls pic in saree???"
"can she walk properly??"
"beta,how many fingers ??"(oh yes i saw dis...d lady was tryin to test her visibility)

an den begins d preparation an finally d big day where d gurls family has already spent lakhs to SHOW how much dey care for dere daughter...n if u notice carefully...
u can see hoards of ppl in d weddin...lots of whom r so happie u cant imagine whats wrong dem..
especially d older folks...i hav,to dis day,not understood why older folks r so happie when other ppl r gettin married...
what i ve dciphered is dey r smiling....i ve suffered..
an once dey r married..other ppl r happie an d couple r peft to suffer..
thats it for other ppl...dey had dere share of u clean up the mess....
i seriously wont b able to understand why ppl get married.
if producing kids is d only reason..why not ADOPT

this blog is as tribute to d person who said


Saturday, February 5, 2011

'chai' an its FEEEEEEL

i dunno where i ve heard dis story but contrary to popular belief,it were the chinese who introduces ppl to the concept of chai and the cuttin associated wid it.
oh yes dont believe me...go to the nearest tea stall an sit dere for 10-15 mins(order a tea ofcourse!) lisen to ppl talk...u ll realize how much intellectualism(mind the use of superlative degree)...ppl discuss all sorts of thing rangin from topics dey care about to the topics no1 gives a damn...but discussion is u can give ur opinion too(try to b diplomatic for ur own sake) dis is common throughout the country...d taste may vary but ppl r hung on dere 'CUP OF TEA'(jokes HIGH5)
so how did dis happen?...wy r ppl so hung up on tea...i ve tried to figure out lot of reasons.
1 of dem being that tea stalls easily accesible in ne area of the city(n thankfully no 1 asks u to show ur indentity to sit dere an relax) be it ur colg building..hostel...or ur office multistorey for that matter...dere will b a chai stall nearby where all the ppl(yes d CAR drivin 1's too) will come an hav tea (smoke is optional although ppl tend to clun both of dese a lot of tym :P) an while in d process of havin tea frends r made,lyf experiences r shared an its everywhere.
an d best part is women folks never seem to understand what d fuss is all about?...why men folks r dyin for tea so much dey never seem to understand.(its a BRO thing.....HIGH 5 again)...
an so every mornin when i get up d only thing on my mind is "where can i get a cup of tea?"

n to those "not-so-fortunate" kinds....try it once an u ll kno why ppl sit on tea stalls for hours talkin about a lot of things that probably dont make sense to ne of dem...but still is worth it..
cheers to d good ol' CHAI

"abe chotu....2 cuttin lagana special waali" ;)


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

wt dreams r MADE of????(in conversation wid mr BAPU GANDHI himself)

dis happnd on last sunday nite or monday nite (or between the nights...dont remember) happened thats for sure...i saw mr GANDHI(yes d original 1...d mohandas 1) in my dream...
he was anxiously lukin for something in my rum(it was strange coz i cudnt find my rumies!)..
it was weird...its bapu ofcourse(i know it on).puzzled i asked
me-bapu,is that u??

mr Gandhi- yes who else do u think wud wrap a khadi shawl in dis chilly weather??(he was furious over somethin i guessed)

me-oh an wt r u lookin for?(quite frankly i still cudnt believe i was talkin to mr G himself)

G- i ve msplaced my laptop(WHAT?? seriously....what place is dis??)
wud u help me find it??

me-oh u can use my nu MAC..i ve got it recently(*GRIN*)

G- oh okay i mite give that a shot too...nice piece though(hee hee gandhi himself applaudin a foreign thin for a change :P)

me-what wr u doin wid ur laptop neway??

G- i was readin about that protest dey organized on my death aniversary in delhi...gud to see so many ppl gather for a cause.its so heartenin to see indians still feel(i heard him!..FEEEEEL)

me- yes was actually a generous call to all the ppl who can manage to come to central delhi on sunday afternun for a silent protest against corruption which is rampant an govt is sittin like a toothless lion in d forest.

G- dont discard d power of democracy dude(yay!....he called me dude)

me- still bapu...dont u think ppl hav become more greedy dese days??..no1 wants to do somethin for society

G-listen...its al inter-related like a chain...if ppl r poor an cant find job...dey ll do watever it takes to feed dem or dere if he s poor he cant pay to get education.hence he cant be in d white collar its lyk the vicious cycle.

me-so u mean ppl to change things, dey shud start robbin to become rich???

G-thats where d problem is....its d means that counts...wealth acquired from bad means never gives happiness.
see if the rich doent live simple poor man will always consider himself underpriviledged coz he cant afford such liberties.

me- u actually think ppl hav time to follow ideology??

G- son,dont underestimate the power of d end of the day every1 wants a peacefull sleep for them an their i can bet that someday that person will regret his bad act.

me-so u r bettin the future of country on ppl's active conscience??

G-didnt u read about that rally??..i ll tell u why it moved me so much..
for the first tym i hav seen so many ppl willingly go out on weekend to support the cause in recent times....d actual figure was 30,000(how d hell did he know about it??)its huge considerin how busy ppl r wid dere commitments..

me-ya even i was surprised to hear that.ppl generally dont giv a damn about rallies or parades.

G-so based on that...i m sure the GOODNESS is still alive in ppl...we still take pity wen some1 gets hurt..some1 dies...somethin bad happens to loved one's
i m pretty sure the INDIA i dreamt of...fought in d "makin" i kno u ppl(i assumed he was referin to d generation) hav what it takes...jus channelize ur energy to right direction..
i m watchin :)

me-an how about ur peers who r in power now???

.....i saw him chuckle an suddenly felt a tremor around me wid voices risin in me ear
"kya bakwas kar raha hai be neend mein???"

"i was dreamin???...oh that explains mr bapu..he said he s watchin"

so wonderin about how i cud hav asked many more questions..i strted my day




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